Post by DEENOSAURUS on Apr 1, 2012 21:07:19 GMT -5
[classy=tite]PENDING[/classy][classy=claim]Hey! We're glad you decided to join! It's always nice to see fresh faces, but just a few things need to be sorted out first.
First is small. I'm not sure if "abstinent" is supposed to be where an adjective was or where her sexuality should go. There should be a second adjective and then her sexual orientation, example for the entire line being "16. BUBBLY. GIGGLY. HETEROSEXUAL. SINGLE" If by "abstinent" you mean she's not sexually attracted to people then there would be the term "asexual" which gets into her romantic orientation. Example: "heteroromantic asexual".
Second, I would like to see some more in her history. It doesn't have to be spoken, it could be her inner dialogue and thoughts, but it would be nice to find a few more things out about her as she's such a unique character. Personally speaking, I would like to know about her tattoos. Since most shops don't tattoo people under eighteen without a parents' signature, it would be interesting to know if the Sister who cared for her signed for it or if she got them done illegally.
Last is her power. Although has a lot of potential, we're afraid that it'll give her too much advantage over other characters. She can very much have that power, but perhaps describe some limitations, to avoid godmodding or powerplaying. Perhaps she can only see so far back into a person's past of psyche before it gets too exhausting for her. Or perhaps she's naturally forgetful so she doesn't remember everything she finds out. Or needs direct physical contact. Just as a few examples.
We're really glad to have you and we appreciate the effort you've clearly put into her character. We would love to see a bit more development. And once again, welcome to End of A Spark!
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First is small. I'm not sure if "abstinent" is supposed to be where an adjective was or where her sexuality should go. There should be a second adjective and then her sexual orientation, example for the entire line being "16. BUBBLY. GIGGLY. HETEROSEXUAL. SINGLE" If by "abstinent" you mean she's not sexually attracted to people then there would be the term "asexual" which gets into her romantic orientation. Example: "heteroromantic asexual".
Second, I would like to see some more in her history. It doesn't have to be spoken, it could be her inner dialogue and thoughts, but it would be nice to find a few more things out about her as she's such a unique character. Personally speaking, I would like to know about her tattoos. Since most shops don't tattoo people under eighteen without a parents' signature, it would be interesting to know if the Sister who cared for her signed for it or if she got them done illegally.
Last is her power. Although has a lot of potential, we're afraid that it'll give her too much advantage over other characters. She can very much have that power, but perhaps describe some limitations, to avoid godmodding or powerplaying. Perhaps she can only see so far back into a person's past of psyche before it gets too exhausting for her. Or perhaps she's naturally forgetful so she doesn't remember everything she finds out. Or needs direct physical contact. Just as a few examples.
We're really glad to have you and we appreciate the effort you've clearly put into her character. We would love to see a bit more development. And once again, welcome to End of A Spark!
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