Post by ALFRED CLARK FREEMAN on Apr 8, 2012 17:56:06 GMT -5
[classy=apptite]ALFRED CLARK FREEMAN
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24. DORK. CHILDISH. STRAIGHT. ROMEO SOLO.
[classy=appdesc]Oh, hey Kent! Look who's it is! It's Alfred Clark Freeman! Oh, uh... perhaps you know them by their nickname, Al or Dimples? Anyway, this certain blessing in disguise came to us on January 14th, and grew up to be a hefty 5’3”. You can always tell it's name because of their dark brown hair, hazel eyes and nerdy t shirts, excessive body hair, epic dimples to end all dimples, and his resemblance to an ewok. Not to mention they've gotten themselves one tattoo! You know, everyone says they look like Olan Rogers? I personally don't see it though ....---[/classy]
[classy=app1]LET’S HAVE A STORY ABOUT YOUR OLD MAN
teddy freeman, male nurse, 5’2.5”, italian, slightly lower on the dork level
The day I grew to be the same height as my dad was a day I will always remember. It is forever etched into the deepest depths of my mind. Never forgotten. Always cherished. It’s up there with getting a kiss on the cheek from Felicia Day and having my picture taken with Willian Shatner. I stood up from the breakfast table one morning and said “DAD! LOOK ME IN THE EYE!” and he said “Son, that is impossible!” Well, I proved him wrong! I closed the distance between us and looked him dead in the eyes and let out the most triumphant of cackles as he fell to the floor in defeat. It was a magical day. I hold power over him now. I’m as tall as he is now. That is power. Powerful power.
AND SOME PROOF THAT YOUR MOTHER KNOWS BEST
malachai freeman [nee estrada], tattoo artist, 5’11”, badass bitch
My mother…is not the conventional type of mother. Her form of punishment was threatening to tattoo “Jason Todd” to our foreheads because none of us liked him. I can’t tell you just one story to show you how awesome my mother is, I will just give you quotes I have collected over the years. Once, during a very serious dinner table discussion, she voiced her desire to get “vajazzled”. She used to tell stories about her ex’s and how she dumped one of her boyfriends for a pre-op transwoman who “looked like Uncle Ash with less tits and more mustache”. (My uncle is a cross-dresser, by the way.) And then to get me out of having to go to school one day she pulled up in my dad’s unmarked white van with tinted windows and drove by my really slowly, snatched me into the van, and drove off like the borg were behind her.
WHAT WERE YOUR BROTHERS LIKE
erik theodore and charles bruce, 29, twins, muscians, also dorks
We’re a church going family. A small community church where everyone knows everyone. Nice and quaint and accepting. Well, when I was probably five or six or something Erik and Charles were just starting their rebellious stage. They’ve always been pranksters, like the Weasley twins but a little more harmless and innocent. They used to play pranks on the pastor and the choir singers and it was always in good fun. Well, we had a month period where we had all these guest pastors, old and traditional and stern. And one of them, musta’ been about eighty and he looked like cartoons of Moses, came up to us and asked “Are you the twins?” And they said, without missing a beat, “No we’re the Hansen brothers.”
AND HOW ABOUT YOUR SISTER
ivy jean freeman, 27, pink hair, awkward, adorable, biochemist
When my sister was fourteen she decided she wanted to dye her hair pink. Not just a little bit pink. Not a section. Not some streak. The entire thing. All her hair. And her eyebrows. Bubblegum pink. And she enlisted me, her 11 year old brother, for help. Cause, you know, I’m the hair dye expert right. I didn’t wear gloves or anything and just did what she told me to and stuff, and I ended up getting bright pink hair dye on my face because I kept stroking my chin. So I had a bubblegum pink goatee and she didn’t tell me. Neither did my brothers. Or my parents. Eleven year old me went to school with a pink goatee.
I HEAR YOU HAVE PETS
kreacher, 7, mutt. chewy, 5, great pyrenees. starscream, 1, kitten.
“MAN DOWN! WE HAVE A MAN DOWN! ABORT MISSION! ABORT!” the
IS THERE A STORY TO YOUR NAME
alfred clark freeman, otherwise known as dimples
Why yes, yes there is. Thank you for asking. My parents always joked that Mom was cheating on Dad with Alfred Pennyworth, Batman’s butler. And when I came around, the accident baby, they decided it was only fitting to name me after my “real father”. And Clark for Clark Kent. You know, Superman. So I’m a super butler. No big deal or anything. None at all. But you can call me Dimples. Or Al.
WHAT KINDS OF THINGS ARE IN YOUR RESUME
script writer, lifeguard, tattoo artist, tutor, supply teacher
So, um, I wrote the script for the movie Teeth. I was probably eighteen or something, pretty young, and my brothers came up to me with the Wikipedia article all “We’ll pay you two hundred bucks a pop to write a script about this!” and the article was titled “Vagina Dentata” and it was kind of terrifying. But when Alfred Freeman is presented with a challenge he accepts! So I wrote it! And showed them and got my money moved on with life. Then a few months later someone called me up all “I read your script for Teeth” and that was all she wrote. I also wrote Let’s Go To Prison and Eagle vs. Shark and a bunch of Phineas and Ferb episodes.
YOUR TEACHING STYLE IS A BIT ECCENTRIC
energetic, multi-media, lots of story telling
The first class I ever stepped foot in was working at a substitute when I was still in college, and it was a class of first graders right. Now, I love kids okay. I adore kids. They’re so cute and innocent and I want four hundred of them. But I digress. We were reading a story and this kid…passes wind. He cuts the cheese. He farts. Farts. He farts. We have our laughs, giggles and we move on. Well an hour later the kid comes up to me and asks if he can call home, so I ask why and he leans up and whispers “I had a wet fart.” And I froze. I had no idea what to do and I just stood there and stared down at him. And then I remembered when something similar happened to me. So I gave him my pants. I gave him my pants. But it was okay because I had shorts on underneath. And everyone had a laugh at my weird looking knees and furry legs and it was a grand ol’ time.
DO YOU HAVE A POWER
the ability to eat all of the things
I’m like…Pacman meets Kirby meets Quina Quen meets Gluttony meets Yoshi. I omnomnomnom the heck out of stuff!
ANY DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE
full time writer for saturday night live
I love teaching and all but I want to be a full time comedian. I want to write for Saturday Night Live. I love writing comedies and I love directing and being able to make people laugh. It’s my passion. It’s what makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. What tickles my fancy. I’d also like to get married by the time I’m twenty-eight and have two kids by the time I’m thirty-two. I actually have my entire wedding planned out. Don’t judge. I have my future all planned out because I have nothing else to do with my life. Instead of marking papers and planning out classes I plan my wedding that probably won’t happen at all.
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[classy=app2]dee. rules. all. things.[/classy]
[classy=apptite]FACE CLAIM [/classy]
[url=http://eoas2.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=viewprofile&user=alfred]OLAN ROGERS[/url]